Life is beautiful. Life is beautiful! I cannot put all my eggs in a basket and even expect any to hatch, so to speak, but I'm just happy with my basket. That means I'm all alone and it's okay. I realized that tonight at my birthday celebration when the only people that showed were because it was obligatory.
Why does life have to be such an excuse automatically when you incorporate others into it? I would be anywhere for anyone I even cared remotely for at the drop of a hat. People are let-downs but life is so god damn gorgeous I just don't care. I can't see through to their bullshit most times even to even want to let it in.
Life is fun, and I love to let it know. Don't fuck with me life! I'm comin' at ya with some bliss!
LOVE,
YOUR GIRL,
JESSICA
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
It rained today, first time since I know when. It was a really happy rain, if rain could be happy, at least for a few minutes until it dissipated it was pretty happy.
Then it just started to all-out rain. My spirit and everyone elses seemed to sink a little. People got angry and I got sad. This weekend I watched the less seen sides of people come out; sides I really wish no one had but I understand why they exist.
A man stole all my sidewalk sale clothes. ALL of them, even the bins they were in. He even threw the "Take & Donate" sign against my fence as though it never existed. Sad thing is I'm well aware of who this person is and their desperation they have, though I don't relate to his exact form of. I know what it's like to need something so bad, a solution, an end-all to something that really doesn't adequately "fix" because you might just "break" that something else in the process but need to do it anyway. It's like, "at least that's over with." A new problem a lot of times seems like a better one. I adhere to that. I'm fairly certain this man had little to nothing, so I will just see it as charity work that I was doing. Inadvertent charity work.
Today I seemed to be the bastardized son of the household that got beat with the short stick. - Whatever, I'll just shake that shit off. Baby aint no thang like just being a lil sad for a day and tomorrow I'm sure I'll be smiling again much bigger.
xoj
Then it just started to all-out rain. My spirit and everyone elses seemed to sink a little. People got angry and I got sad. This weekend I watched the less seen sides of people come out; sides I really wish no one had but I understand why they exist.
A man stole all my sidewalk sale clothes. ALL of them, even the bins they were in. He even threw the "Take & Donate" sign against my fence as though it never existed. Sad thing is I'm well aware of who this person is and their desperation they have, though I don't relate to his exact form of. I know what it's like to need something so bad, a solution, an end-all to something that really doesn't adequately "fix" because you might just "break" that something else in the process but need to do it anyway. It's like, "at least that's over with." A new problem a lot of times seems like a better one. I adhere to that. I'm fairly certain this man had little to nothing, so I will just see it as charity work that I was doing. Inadvertent charity work.
Today I seemed to be the bastardized son of the household that got beat with the short stick. - Whatever, I'll just shake that shit off. Baby aint no thang like just being a lil sad for a day and tomorrow I'm sure I'll be smiling again much bigger.
xoj
Monday, August 18, 2008
HIP-HOP HOO-RAY, HO!
Totally into surf music lately and trip-hop / downtempo / ambient / experimental / electronica stuff especially. I know, that's a mouthful.
Brendan is moving here Sept 6th! That's my 2nd couch surfer who has moved here now and Sue-Li virtually has lived here as well, so maybe 3. HI SUE-LI!!!
I bought a bike for about $300, it's a $700 bike. It's a Novara (city in Italy) Randonee (French for "excursion,") a beautiful Italian touring bike and I have panniers for it too! Soooo happy! Aluminum frame, chromoly fork...blah blah. I'm stoked.
I'm going to Seattle next week for business again and business is SUPER GOOD now that another resale store opened I can sell to. I'm gonna be loaded soon. Or not, but I will be caught-up and travel planning for destinations more desirable than fucking SEATTLE. Shit on you!
La la la, I cannot wait for my warm sweet skinny little cuddle partner Brendan to move and I can warm his sweet baguette! HA HA
I'm still smiling!
LUVLUVJ
Brendan is moving here Sept 6th! That's my 2nd couch surfer who has moved here now and Sue-Li virtually has lived here as well, so maybe 3. HI SUE-LI!!!
I bought a bike for about $300, it's a $700 bike. It's a Novara (city in Italy) Randonee (French for "excursion,") a beautiful Italian touring bike and I have panniers for it too! Soooo happy! Aluminum frame, chromoly fork...blah blah. I'm stoked.
I'm going to Seattle next week for business again and business is SUPER GOOD now that another resale store opened I can sell to. I'm gonna be loaded soon. Or not, but I will be caught-up and travel planning for destinations more desirable than fucking SEATTLE. Shit on you!
La la la, I cannot wait for my warm sweet skinny little cuddle partner Brendan to move and I can warm his sweet baguette! HA HA
I'm still smiling!
LUVLUVJ
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Ignorance
If I asked you if you knew where the country of Lesotho was, could you answer "yes?"
I came across a shirt that said, "made in Lesotho." I asked Lindsey if she knew where it was, nope....
It's in the middle of South Africa, completely landlocked by another country! Then I found out about Swaziland, another country pretty much in South Africa. Swaziland has the HIGHEST percentage of HIV/AIDS in the world, with 26% of its population affected.
I'm just another one of THOSE Americans now.
In other news, weird things have been going down.
I came across a shirt that said, "made in Lesotho." I asked Lindsey if she knew where it was, nope....
It's in the middle of South Africa, completely landlocked by another country! Then I found out about Swaziland, another country pretty much in South Africa. Swaziland has the HIGHEST percentage of HIV/AIDS in the world, with 26% of its population affected.
I'm just another one of THOSE Americans now.
In other news, weird things have been going down.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
proud
This has been the only time since the day Katie moved out of our apartment that I wanted to call her, she would be the only one that could totally understand the leaps and bounds of improvement I've made.
Long story short...
For those of you who are unaware, I used to live in Spokane, WA...prior to being 21 there was little to do late at night other than go to a near 24 hour diner called "Satellite." I had the hugest crush on one of the servers there. Katie, who also at the time lived in Spokane, had mentioned this to him, and in response he said I was cute! Oh! Ecstatic, right?! Wrong, too shy and unusual I never did anything about it.
Fast forward! It is about 2 or 3 in the afternoon a month back and I am taking a stroll down Stark st when I recognize a face I cannot place at that moment in front of The Bonfire. It suddenly strikes me! It's DEAN from the Satellite that used to live in Spokane!!! Point noted, I then made it my mission to go back there and ask him on a date.
Last night I did it non-awkwardly and like I wish I would have 4 years ago when I lived in Spokane. Had it worked out any other way it would've been another opportunity lost in retrospect. I am finally in a state of stability and confidence...it would've never lasted past one night of hanging out prior, and it is just funny how fate can align the stars for you down the road. Tomorrow we will see what cards I've been dealt.
More later. I'm fallin' asleep at the keys and not closing in on any gaps in my train of thought. Much love to ya'll!
xoj
Long story short...
For those of you who are unaware, I used to live in Spokane, WA...prior to being 21 there was little to do late at night other than go to a near 24 hour diner called "Satellite." I had the hugest crush on one of the servers there. Katie, who also at the time lived in Spokane, had mentioned this to him, and in response he said I was cute! Oh! Ecstatic, right?! Wrong, too shy and unusual I never did anything about it.
Fast forward! It is about 2 or 3 in the afternoon a month back and I am taking a stroll down Stark st when I recognize a face I cannot place at that moment in front of The Bonfire. It suddenly strikes me! It's DEAN from the Satellite that used to live in Spokane!!! Point noted, I then made it my mission to go back there and ask him on a date.
Last night I did it non-awkwardly and like I wish I would have 4 years ago when I lived in Spokane. Had it worked out any other way it would've been another opportunity lost in retrospect. I am finally in a state of stability and confidence...it would've never lasted past one night of hanging out prior, and it is just funny how fate can align the stars for you down the road. Tomorrow we will see what cards I've been dealt.
More later. I'm fallin' asleep at the keys and not closing in on any gaps in my train of thought. Much love to ya'll!
xoj
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Love Shack
Four lesbian couch surfers in the livingroom tonight, sure makes the place feel a lot more "homey." They are all cute, fun girls.
Got my first bike related injury - THAT didn't take long. It looks like nothing, but hurt/s like FUCK! Lets just say the peddle took a deep chunk out of my ankle. I knew it hurt pretty bad, then 15 minutes later I look down and there's a bunch of blood all over my ankle.
And as though that wasn't enough injury for one day...I then drop a heavy pair of gardening shears on one of my toes...well, it's swollen and purple now...I can't say much more on the status of that, 'cept oh yeah, same foot, awesome!
Leaving for Seattle Sunday for business / pleasure (See Ivre, yay!) I postponed Canada for a bit longer until I get some proper ducks in a row.
We are trapping cats on Saturday for the FCC (Feral Cat Coalition)...getting them spayed / neutered and then re-releasing them into the wild after they've healed. We have about 10 cats we are slowly taking care of 1 x 1. I even named a few of them. My favorite feral cats name is "Sly" because he is the most weary of the surroundings. Then there's "Trash" who is the "alpha-cat" / super-penis-tom-cat-man. He is my least favorite because he has all these subservient minions he bullies. Then there's "Ho" and well, she's his #1 Ho. I don't like her either...she snuck into our house for food and got unknowingly stuck in our livingroom until we heard claws sliding across our hardwood floor in panic followed by the ramming of the cats own doing trying to jump through our window at least three times nearly knocking herself unconscious! It wasn't until she climbed our curtains nearly shredding them did we finally get her outside!
Little else to report at the moment, still on the bike hunt and I resigned-up for lovelab more out of the curiosity of the people that shall come. So far in my 12 hour "active" profile state I've had one interaction from a man likely to be almost 60. Wow, I sure get the gems! I would get to date two men in a row that couldn't get it up! I sure know how to please those men.
Not actually - True or perhaps untrue, I was told twice in this past 24 hour period that I provoked the sensation of tears from two different men by just being honest...There wasn't any belittling but apparently people I attract have issues taking a look in the mirror.
Oh, and I kinda have a laptop now.
xoj
Got my first bike related injury - THAT didn't take long. It looks like nothing, but hurt/s like FUCK! Lets just say the peddle took a deep chunk out of my ankle. I knew it hurt pretty bad, then 15 minutes later I look down and there's a bunch of blood all over my ankle.
And as though that wasn't enough injury for one day...I then drop a heavy pair of gardening shears on one of my toes...well, it's swollen and purple now...I can't say much more on the status of that, 'cept oh yeah, same foot, awesome!
Leaving for Seattle Sunday for business / pleasure (See Ivre, yay!) I postponed Canada for a bit longer until I get some proper ducks in a row.
We are trapping cats on Saturday for the FCC (Feral Cat Coalition)...getting them spayed / neutered and then re-releasing them into the wild after they've healed. We have about 10 cats we are slowly taking care of 1 x 1. I even named a few of them. My favorite feral cats name is "Sly" because he is the most weary of the surroundings. Then there's "Trash" who is the "alpha-cat" / super-penis-tom-cat-man. He is my least favorite because he has all these subservient minions he bullies. Then there's "Ho" and well, she's his #1 Ho. I don't like her either...she snuck into our house for food and got unknowingly stuck in our livingroom until we heard claws sliding across our hardwood floor in panic followed by the ramming of the cats own doing trying to jump through our window at least three times nearly knocking herself unconscious! It wasn't until she climbed our curtains nearly shredding them did we finally get her outside!
Little else to report at the moment, still on the bike hunt and I resigned-up for lovelab more out of the curiosity of the people that shall come. So far in my 12 hour "active" profile state I've had one interaction from a man likely to be almost 60. Wow, I sure get the gems! I would get to date two men in a row that couldn't get it up! I sure know how to please those men.
Not actually - True or perhaps untrue, I was told twice in this past 24 hour period that I provoked the sensation of tears from two different men by just being honest...There wasn't any belittling but apparently people I attract have issues taking a look in the mirror.
Oh, and I kinda have a laptop now.
xoj
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Ode
To vanilla latte's with honey at the Funky Door + Boards of Canada on headphones in a comfy lounge chair while flipping through Wired. It's the best way to start the day on the right foot.
More couchsurfers this evening! I've been hosting so many I had a dream about it last night. These ones aren't 21 and leaving 1st thing in the morning so I figured it would encourage me to not drink for a night.
Last night I hit up all the regular spots - Penguin Pub & Basement...
Grilled cheese + 2 coors light...$3...because the bartender loves me. Also I had my bag of goodies from the bins and they wanted to go through it and I made $15 on the spot. Gotta love that. Chris was at basement and tried very hard to make conversation with me about Polvo playing relatively soon and it sorta fizzled fast. I wasn't feeling company too much, I just wanted to suck in some seedy atmosphere and get lost in my mind.
Well, off to have yet another wonderful day of work in sunshine and shorts!
More couchsurfers this evening! I've been hosting so many I had a dream about it last night. These ones aren't 21 and leaving 1st thing in the morning so I figured it would encourage me to not drink for a night.
Last night I hit up all the regular spots - Penguin Pub & Basement...
Grilled cheese + 2 coors light...$3...because the bartender loves me. Also I had my bag of goodies from the bins and they wanted to go through it and I made $15 on the spot. Gotta love that. Chris was at basement and tried very hard to make conversation with me about Polvo playing relatively soon and it sorta fizzled fast. I wasn't feeling company too much, I just wanted to suck in some seedy atmosphere and get lost in my mind.
Well, off to have yet another wonderful day of work in sunshine and shorts!
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